This is taken from a piece I wrote my freshman year of college while my then boyfriend was deployed when our son was less than a year old. That turned out to be a very important year for me. It’s the year I learned to be independent. It’s the year I found balance. It’s the year I learned I can do it by myself. Looking back when the relationship first ended, I was confused as to whether or not that year still had the same meaning to me and I realized it meant more. That year shaped most of who I am and that had nothing to do with the relationship and everything to do with me learning to be me. Learning to be strong.
I have friends currently going through the same experience so it seemed like an appropriate time to share.
Outside the Wire
I’m surrounded by company every day,
but I’m alone.
Red painted on lips
to brighten a nonexistent smile
and draw attention away from pained eyes.
You’re doing so well they say,
I bet he misses home they say,
Concerned they say, or maybe just nosy.
Time is my greatest enemy and
the second hand is a ticking bomb
waiting to bring bad news.
The possibilities build into
short panic attacks
where every heartbeat is a gunshot
What if’s creep around in my head.
There’s no use trying to push them back.
You can’t run from a missile.